Judge declares college QB's offense as minor

Masoli's offense deemed "minor" by judge in spite of throwing for over 2K yards last season

A judge this week declared that Jeremiah Masoli's offense is minor. His stats clearly indicate otherwise, but I'm not in charge. But even though his offense was deemed minor, (in spite of passing for over 2,000 yards and rushing for 668 yards) it got his recent crime demoted from a felony to a misdemeanor. Masoli, obviously a music lover, stole 2 laptops and a guitar from a frat house on campus. Imagine how easy he would have gotten off if his offense had been better...


After the loss to Boise State in the season's first game, Oregon went on to win the PAC-10 championship. Mostly from the work of Masoli, now suspended for the 2010 season, and also from the work of LaMichael James, who rushed for over 1,500 yards, a PAC-10 freshman record. James was suspended for the opening game of the season. His crime was much less serious than Masoli's crime. James merely beat and choked his girlfriend.

LaMichael James - choker

Kudo's to Oregon coach Chip Kelly for meting out such strong punishment to two star players. This could only have been made possible by the recent signing of Temple, Texas running back, Lache Seastrunk. I think we can only hope that this doesn't become a string of renegade chokings by running backs from Texas.

Its almost time for baseball again!!

The countdown has begun. February 18th is the day pitchers and catchers report to camp.

Even spacemen love baseball.

Major League Baseball's page of important dates is right here.

Humor heals all - how about some Tiger jokes?

Before the jokes, this story broke overnight. This is NOT one of the jokes, it actually happened.

Tiger's request to a former "friend" to remove her name from her cell phone, cuz his "wife may have found" her number, raised some eyebrows. You can hear Tiger's voicemail here.

Tiger finally speaks, it is here.

And, now for the jokes:

Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway. Rock me.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Dog lovers say, "you boned her" and "I didn't bone him." No comment from the actual dogs involved

Tiger and his lovely bride apparently had a bit of a argument, during which Elen hit Tiger in the head with a golf club. After confronting Tiger with the latest of many rumors of his whoremongering, and his subsequent denial, Elen put her four iron in the rough (aka, the back of Tiger's head).

Tiger and his lovely bride enjoy a little heavy petting

The alleged mistress, Rachel Uchitel, swears she never saw his "putter" but did get to see him do some "driving." While much speculation abounds, I think we all know what she meant by "his putter." Don't we? Yes, we do.

Rachel, also a dog lover, insists she did nothing inappropriate
(why do none of the women I know wear high heels with their cutoffs?
I feel very cheated...)

What can we learn from this situation? Tiger's wife and girlfriend are pretty hot. Oh, and if you are gonna go in the rough, you may need a pitching wedge.

As a side note, Rachel has kept the dog theme and has hired Gloria Allred as her attorney for, possibly suing the National Enquirerer and TMZ for defamation of character. She claims that she will no longer be able to have sex with celebrities, cuz they will be, like, afraid to bone her now.

Disclaimer: No bitches were harmed in the making of this post.

Guy goes to jail for shooting himself. Really.

"No, really, I shot 'myself' with my own gun..."

What the hell has this world come to when a guy goes to jail for shooting himself?

This just plain crazy...

Well its been a very long time since my last post. I am still alive, but as shown in the picture below, I have been very despondent and obsessed with plastic. But on the bright side, I have some new killer boots!

My new boots are awesome!!

Me and my buddy at my Downsville, TX mansion

Hope you're having a kick-ass summer!!

Baylor Men's Basketball in Big 12 Championship

Lace Dunn and Henry Dugat have been shooting the lights out in OK City at the Big 12 tourney.


After upsetting the #1 seed Kansas, the Bears then beat Texas after losing to them 24 straight times. Thats 2 dozen times. Thats a beer for every loss, until you get to a case. Thats three times the John & Kate plus 8 kids. Thats 1.3 times the Duggar kids.

So the Bears play the Mizzo Tigers tonight for a chance to return to the Big Dance. If Baylor wins tonight, it would be the second consequtive year for them to make it to the Big Dance. So lift your glass, and say a toast to the Green & Gold today. And say a prayer of thanks for Drew letting Lace go berserk in OKC.

The Tigers are the higher seed, but we all know God loves Green & Gold. So here's to hoping God throws the game for us tonight.

Sic'em Bears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

President Hussein Obama

The president announced his intention to attempt to negotiate with terrorists on Saturday. This is just another in a long line of action by Obama to reverse Bush policies and standards. Although he may not realize that that particular policy has been in effect for several decades.


====================UPDATE================================


The Taliban today responded to Obama's noted announcement that he wanted to negotiate with the Taliban "moderates."


The article said, "Afghanistan's Taliban on Tuesday turned down as illogical U.S. President Barack Obama's bid to reach out to moderate elements of the insurgents, saying the exit of foreign troops was the only solution for ending the war."

"This does not require any response or reaction for this is illogical," Qari Mohammad Yousuf, a purported spokesman for the insurgent group, told Reuters when asked if its top leader Mullah Mohammad Omar would make any comment about Obama's proposal.

"The Taliban are united, have one leader, one aim, one policy...I do not know why they are talking about moderate Taliban and what it means?"

And while they talk like Aggies, you get the gist. It turns out the Taliban thought Obama's idea was stupid too.

When asked about his thoughts on the Taliban response, Obama responded, "shut the hell up cracker!"

Lost fishermen are given up on by Coast Guard

Nick Schuyler sits on the Capsized Boat in Gulf of Mexico
He was the only one found

The Coast Guard has called off the search for the missing fishermen. It must be very hard for the families of these men. At dark tonight, the search will be stopped. Coast Guard spokesman Timothy Close told reporters today, "We're extremely confident that if there are any survivors on the surface of the water that we would have found them."

A life jacket and ice chest were found appx 16 miles away from where the boat capsized. Please say a prayer for the 3 men not found and their families today.

Coast Guard must carry their hats to press conferences

The Bachelor finale gets crazy(er).

The Bachelor finale gets crazy(er).

"The Crying Turd," aka Jason Mesnick

During the finale of The Bachelor, the crying turd changed his mind and went with who he believed might be the love of his life. Forget Melissa, Poor Molly...

The girl is better off without this crybaby turd, who will likely change his mind in a couple more weeks. My wife's first comment was, "forget him you dummy, he's gonna leave you too!" Get yourself a REAL MAN who doesn't cry when he has a tough decision to make. I have a couple of friends I could introduce her to.

One is a brick-layer type. Tough, construction worker who I am pretty sure has never cried. The guy I affectionately refer to as "pervert" knows how to be a man. He can drive a tractor, has killed animals with guns, loves to drink beer and fart, and would be stupid in love with such a hottie. She could be assured of no crying.

The other plays pro ball. Lots of money, not "that smart" but is very generous, has a huge manly appendage, and could literally tear another man's head off if some guy was discourteous in any way. Once again, no crying.

When asked about the Crying Turd's antics on this season of The Bachelor, Michelle Obama commented, "eff that cracker!"